My Daddy's Getting Old

I’m sorry if I ramble and things are not completely cohesive. I just needed to write and I was drinking a very strong airplane cranberry and vodka drink while writing it. 

I have travelled with my dad before, I went with him to Argentina a few years back - just him and I. But this trip was different. I noticed things that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to encounter for several more years. 

But it makes sense. My dad is getting old (some will say he already is). 

My dad turned 80 last year (I threw him a party, you can read about it HERE). But because I’m only 30 (yes, I was born on his 50th birthday), it’s hitting me hard. 

His memory is going, his hearing is not so good (I’m trying to get him in to see an audiologist), and he is becoming more stubborn and grumpy than ever before. 

I write this here knowing that he will most likely never read it and because I need to get it out, I need to speak it, but I don’t want to cry in front of anyone. I cry too much already. 

My mom, who is 10 years younger than him, is always complaining to me about how he treats her. This isn’t anything new, but it has become more frequent lately to the point that I can see it is really bothering my mom now. She cried during a walk one day. It made me cry. My mom used to never cry, now it’s often since my sister passed last year. But since my mom always complained about my dad I didn’t really pay close attention. I know my dad, but I also know my mom. She is hard headed and very frustrated with having to do all the household chores herself - but that’s not new. I know she provokes him. 

This trip has made me realize my dad is very grumpy, stubborn, and has qualities that I just don’t like. He tells old man jokes - the racist kind - that make me uncomfortable even when it’s just him and I, but when it’s around others I try to hide. He has also reached the point where he will start making up stories, especially to tell strangers. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I’m afraid of what he will say to strangers (and my strangers I just mean the people we encounter at restaurants and the like, not random people on the street). 

I’m hoping that a lot of the not understanding has to do with his hearing. I’ve been telling him to go to an audiologist for a long time, he is finally recognizing that he is having issues hearing. I noticed it at restaurants where I had to translate what the waiters would ask or say to him, but now it’s becoming an issue of me having to yell at him or just speak very slowly of him to hear. Which in turn gets him upset because he thinks we are talking down to him, which is not the case. 

I am glad that my dad is still here and that for the most part he is healthy and there is no reason for me not to think that he will be around for another decade (his family tends to live for a long time) but it’s hard learning to be around this new person. Even though he is my dad, he is changing. I guess that I am too. 

(I’ll pause to say that the flight attendant just came to ask if we wanted peanuts or pretzels, I told him this, and he then re-asked the question to her - this is what I mean). 

Maybe this sounds shallow? Rude? Disrespectful? I’m not trying to be. I just feel like I’m losing the dad I remember, the one who played with me and took me places. (damn it, the tears are coming and he’s sitting next to me on the plane) I feel that I should be older when this happens. 

This is why I want to be young when I have kids. Being a child of older parents is not the same as being one of younger parents. They have less energy and you have a bigger risk of losing them at a younger age (your age that is). 

How do I learn to be with this person who is not the same one I’ve had all my life? It feels that the change was so quick. Like yesterday he was the guy who was picking me up from girl scouts and now he is the one I need to help.

Weekend Round Up + A Fractured Wrist (Not Mine!)

My time here has been seldom lately. As I’ve mentioned before I’ve been super busy and had to put the blog in the back burner until some things were completed.

One of the bigger things was a surprise party I threw for my dad. I had been planning it for several months and it finally occurred this past Saturday.

My dad turned 80! Since we share the same birthday and he has basically handed them over to me the past 30 years, I thought he should be able to have one just for him. I went ahead and invited many people he knew from work (he retired just 3 years ago) and I’m glad I had many show up. I had Stone Fire Grill cater with some pasta and I ordered a cake from the same person who made my wedding cake. It was AMAZING, both in taste and looking at it!

My sister and her family drove down from the Bay Area on Friday night – I think that’s what surprised him the most! He walked in and saw the his daughter and grandkids.

It was an overall success. I’m very thankful to my friend Dante who came over early to help me decorate. She was a life saver. I have learned that I like things to be perfect and I get upset if they aren’t perfect. This is especially true when I have a 12 year old, two 9 year olds, and a 6 year old.  Her arrival was much needed and calmed me down.

After a while the kids got bored and ended up in the swimming pool which they enjoyed very much.

After the party the kids, my dad, and I headed over to my in-law’s where my sister-in-law “threw” a party for my father-in-law’s birthday (which was the day before mine). We stayed there for a while, but I had to head back by 6pm because my mom was waiting to go shopping with my nieces. We spent a nice time at the mall and my mom got the girls some things.

The my sister, brother-in-law and the girls left fairly early on Sunday morning. Jonathan woke up with a rash all over his body.

At first we thought it was Scarlet Fever, however Jonathan lacked the fever part of it. A trip to the Urgent Care that morning declared him free of bacteria but instead with the Adenovirus. Which apparently is a pretty common virus that usually goes by unnoticed because the body fights it off pretty well. However it left Jonathan tired and ready for an early bedtime on Saturday night and with a rash all over this body on Sunday. It seems to have gotten worse since it first showed up. He was held home on Monday but was given permission to go back to school on Tuesday.

My mom, Nikki and I went to place some flowers at my sisters’ niche (something we do just about every Sunday).

And then did some grocery shopping. After which I headed home and watched TV and a movie with Thomas. It was a nice lazy afternoon.

There are some exciting things coming up for me still. Today is my niece’s 10^th birthday. On Saturday it is her party – sadly Thomas and I have dentist appointments at the same time. Friday night I’m going with Thomas to some haunted houses which I’m excited about. We didn’t make it last year and I was disappointed. This year Thomas’ cousin began working there so he got us some free tickets (saving us about $40 - $50!). It also means a funnel cake!

On Saturday night we are going to a pumpkin light show which I’m looking forward to! It looks like a lot of fun!

I wrote this at work on Monday. Then I call home to check on my nephew to find out that my dad fell on the stairs Sunday night and was in pain and his arm swollen. I left work at 3pm and took him to the ER. Fractured wrist. 

Waiting to be called back. 

Birthday Planning

I've only thrown parties that are mostly disorganized and nothing matches. Then I organized my wedding and it turned out okay. 

This is sort of a brain dump of what has been worrying me. 

But now I'm freaking out! My dad turns 80 on 1 month from today, the same day I turn 30. I think that 80 is a pretty important number so I decided I would throw a party for him. But I don't know what to do or how to really organize it. 

One of things I really hated doing for our wedding was the decorating, that's why it was nice having it in my in-law's back yard where the plants were natural decorations. Then my husband's aunt added decorations to the backyard. 

The party will be in the recreation room in my parents' complex (my dad knows nothing about it and I hope it can be a surprise!) which is an okay looking place, but I definitely need to add decorations to make it look festive. 

I went into Party City this weekend and unfortunately they don't have much in the way of 80th birthday party supplies. The only items that were actually packaged as "80" were some plates and napkins. There are other decorations in which you can add any number you want - which I am thinking will be the way we have to go. 

With that decided I still have to figure out how much I need of which items. Do I need streamers? Should I get balloons that say 80 or just different colored ones? Do I buy a helium tank or should I just get them filled at the store? 

There are SO many things to consider and I hate doing it all. If I just had all the things in front of me I can decorate, but going through the picking and choosing? I hate it. 

If anyone wants to go through Party City's site and tell me what I should get - that'd be awesome! 

The only things that I have accomplished has been getting the invitations made. They were designed by The fabulous Amanda Nicole from Knock on Wood and I had them printed at Wal*Mart's website. I know that the food will come from the same place that catered my wedding and that the cake will come from my high school friend who made my wedding cake. 

I also have the invite list. 

I would like to be able to celebrate my birthday - and I'd love my husband to throw me a party. My husband's cousins' husband threw her an awesome 30th party 2 years ago and I would love something similar... but I know it won't be coming for me.

Okay. I know this was pretty crappy as posts go, but I needed to get my anxieties about this out! 

Happy Daddy's Day!

I’m going to be honest. I don’t always get along with my dad. We butt heads a lot. Maybe it’s because I share my birthday with him? My mom scheduled her C-section for the following “Monday” not realizing that it was my dad’s 50^th birthday. It worked out nicely though, I think. 

Still, I love my daddy (what I generally call him) very much and am so thankful that I can call him mine and that I get to spend another Father’s Day with him. 

I turn 30 later this year, and if you do the math, that means he turns 80. Most people my age have grandparents younger than my dad (my husbands’ Grandma is 3 years younger!) and so I take the time I have left with my dad very seriously. I am grateful that I live nearby (literally less than 2 blocks). 

My parents often switched roles of who was the enforcer of rules and who was the friendly parents, and I remember several times that my dad yelled at me, smacked my bottom, or simply got really upset at me – but most of the time he was the one that I snuggled with. He read me stories every night before carrying me to bed. We had a nice blue chair that he sat on and I cuddled on his lap while he read to me – always by 7pm. 

Sorry for the bad quality... really old pictures!

He has been the one (between my parents) who has been willing to give into my whims of getting ice cream or a special snack. He’s the one that fought for me at school (okay, my mom did, too – but I remember him there when we had to get me out of speech classes).  

Because my mom doesn’t drive (or speak English) my dad took me to my doctor’s appointments and got my medicine. I remember when I was in my late teens (I think) I had to have oral surgery which meant that I couldn’t eat anything solid and cold liquids were recommended. My dad dropped me off at home where I lay on the couch and then he went out and got me a vanilla milkshake to make my mouth (and stomach) feel better. 

One thing I feared, having a father that is older, was that he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. It’s one of the reasons I pushed Thomas to get married sooner rather than later. My dad had some health scares over the past couple of years and the fear of him passing before he saw me get married terrified me.  My dad was there to walk me down the aisle this past April 26^th and I am so proud that he was by my side. He likes Thomas very much which makes it so much better. 

Damn those photographers.... but still beautiful.