Transitions

You could say that I just made a very huge transition in my life.

I got married and moved out (I guess they mostly go hand in hand).

I’m a mommy’s girl (as you can tell by my mother’s day post) and knew that living away from her would be difficult for me. Luckily for me the condo we bought is a 5 minute walk from my parents townhouse so I still get to see my mom on just about a daily basis.

However, the day after my wedding I freaked out. I held it in for my wedding, I didn’t worry about just about anything. But the next day? I had a really hard time.

I spent Sunday morning feeling sick. My body was beyond the limit and it couldn’t handle it without any rest. I didn’t sleep well Saturday night and my body told me I needed to rest. Still, I ignored it and continued to move things from my parents’ house to the condo. Shivering and sweating at the same time I kept pushing myself. I finally tried to rest at my mom’s house. Thomas had fallen asleep on our bed at the condo but I couldn’t bring myself to lay next to him right then.

My sister in the hospital, my dad with her and no one else at my parents’ house but my mom I felt bad to leave her alone. That’s what I told myself anyway, but it was probably more selfish than that. I didn’t want to accept that I was leaving, yet. My room was mostly bare, even the sheets had been stripped from the bed – but that was still home. How could I go somewhere else?

Eventually I made it back to the condo after Thomas had woken up and laid down next to him. I told him that I wasn’t feeling well and he told me to just lay down and sleep, stop worrying about the condo and unpacking and sleep. It wasn’t coming easily to me. Tears had been threatening to come all day. I finally texted my MOH and asked her if it was okay? Was it normal to cry the day after your wedding? Did it mean I didn’t love Thomas? That I wasn’t ready?  Why were these tears threatening to spill over? 

Lauren told me to go ahead and cry. I had been through a lot of changes and had barely shown any stress on my wedding day so it was all finally sinking in. I felt like if I cried I had to explain it, Thomas would think I was sorry I got married – which I wasn’t. Lauren assured me that I didn’t, I just need to cry and let it out and I’d feel better. She was right.

I cried in bed with Thomas by my side playing on his phone. I finally fell asleep and I rested for an hour or two. When I got up I felt refreshed and like everything would be alright.

And it is!

Although I do miss living even closer to my mom, I’m not getting emotional about it.  I just give her a call and talk or go over and say hello. Things are crazy right now and life is all mixed up between the wedding, moving, and my sister being in the hospital so things have been a bit surreal. I wonder what I will feel once things settle down and get to a normal place.

As you read this I am on my honeymoon in Argentina enjoying the hell out of delicious food and views as well as visiting the family I only see every many years (I’ve gone 9 years, 3 years, and now 6 years between seeing them). When I get home on June 1^st my life will consist of a lot of laundry and organizing. I didn’t leave the condo completely unpacked. Actually I basically just unpacked clothing and kitchen supplies. We have furniture but the office is still full of boxes that need to be taken care of.  I didn’t have it in me to do it before the trip so I decided to leave it for June.

Will I continue feeling good about all the changes without any emotional breakdowns? I hope so!